The Deviated Septum Surgery Saga Continues...
When a wife has undergone her first "taking care of the husband after surgery" experience, she feels empowered, as if she now truly understands wifehood to the fullest. One of the most enlightening aspects of taking care of an invalid husband is the understanding of WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO HAVE A NEWBORN CHILD.
Yes, over the past week, my husband has morphed from a 32 year old to a three week old baby. The first few days out of surgery, he needed assistance to and from the bathroom, he needed (literally) to be fed, bandages needed to be changed, I had to make sure he didn't wear the same clothes for three days, that he showered, etc. Now, I was completely prepared for all of this especially because, well, it was my idea. If I wanted him to stop snoring, this would have to be done. Of course, in all of this, I'd never stopped to think about why he'd have to have this surgery in the first place. I just figured the septum issue was a hereditary thing--something he'd been living with his whole life and that I was just the crazy wife he sleeps next to every night who could no longer tolerate the snoring. It wasn't until I'd had a post op convo with the doctor that I realized why I was sitting in that waiting room in the first place...
ME: "How did everything go?"
DR: "Everything went great. Did you know that his nose had been broken in at least four different places? I was pulling shards of bone out of his sinuses. That was the main problem. Do you know how he got the broken nose(s)?
And all I could think was, "I'M GOING TO BE MAKING SMOOTHIES FOR HIM THREE TIMES A DAY FOR THE NEXT WEEK ALL BECAUSE OF F-ING BASKETBALL."
ME: "That would be his addiction, Dr...to...
TO STREET FIGHTING? TO JIU JITSU? TO BOXING?
ME: "To basketball. 5 nights a week. 4 different leagues. Six serious injuries and I'll add this surgery so now we're at seven."
DR: "He might want to stop playing."
THE ANESTHESIOLOGIST WALKS OUT OF THE O.R....
ANESTHESIOLOGIST: "Everything went great, but there was one thing..."
THE DR AND ME: "What?"
ANESTHESIOLOGIST: "As he was falling asleep, he was talking about some mask that he wants. For basketball? He's just waking up and he's still talking about it...do you know what he's referring to?"
THE DR AND ME: "Yup."
Two days after the surgery, he called the Detroit Pistons PR company to find out where he could get a custom Rip Hamilton face mask for basketball.
ME: "Have you thought about maybe...not playing basketball anymore?"
MIKE: "I'll have a face mask. It'll be fine."
ME: "But what if you still get knocked in the face? I don't get how that's really going to help you."
MIKE: "I'll have a face mask. It'll be fine."
ME: "I still don't..."
MIKE: "I'll have a face mask. It'll be fine."
For the next nose surgery, maybe I'll go out of town and hire a nurse. Hmmmm....
Sara Mann says, "Maybe this is what Mike should wear."
Posted by: Sara Mann | May 06, 2008 at 05:03 PM